A prayer to God from a non-god

My prayer today as I navigate the wilderness of Lent.

Lord,

You are my Lord.  You are God.  I am not God. 

I have tried to be God in my life for a long time.  But I am not.

I'm human -- a pretty undisciplined one at that.

I am not in control.  I cannot stop depending on you for every breath.

Please, please, please do not allow me to forget:

You are God.  I am not.

Amen.

He Was in the Wilderness

Angela and I read the beginning of Luke 4 when Jesus was in the Wilderness.  I don't know how many times I've read that and then dissected it. 

"What were the temptations he faced?"
"How did he fend off the devil?"
"The devil uses scripture; what should our response be?"
And more.

Very rarely do we stop to remember that Jesus was in the wilderness.

I feel like I've been in the wilderness for awhile.  I was trying to claw back to God as soon as possible, but I wasn't doing it in a way that was effective.  It was still about me.

It's so easy for us to give up something and make the struggle about us.  It's just another New Year's resolution.  I've been eating sweets like crazy lately, so I'm fasting from sweets for the next 40 days.  I didn't initially decide that because this is the problem that is getting between God and me.  I've stopped eating my wife's delicious brownies because I'm getting fat. 

But my inability to control eating sweets is symbolic of something greater:  my selfishness and lack of discipline in all areas of my life.

That is what has kept me in the wilderness for so long.  It's also much harder to fast from.  It's become who I am in so many ways.

So I'm going to try something in addition to giving up desserts while I'm in the desert.  I'm going to add things.  I want a Lent that explores my own selfishness and seeks to rid myself by serving others. 

It's hard to see others when you're too busy looking in the mirror.  It's even harder to love others.  But that's what I'm going to try to do.

I'm going to keep track of the selfish things I do.  This will be how I face temptation head on like Jesus did.  Instead of stopping there, I will give my list up to God each day.  In addition, I will seek opportunities to love others.

Jesus was in the wilderness, preparing and growing closer to God.  This is my time to be in the wilderness, too.

We'll see how this goes.  I wish you well in your wilderness these next 40 days.  Feel free to share what you've been thinking about as well.

Breathing in Ashes

I don't usually honor the Lenten fast.  I come from the Church of Christ tradition that says "every day is Easter."  But I'm trying to be more purposeful this year.  All I can truly say I know or have done in the past is give up something minor for the 40 days.  But that's only part of it.  So I'm trying to be more purposeful beginning yesterday (Ash Wednesday for me) and today, I'm getting out of my selfishness and it God's selflessness.

Here are some quick thoughts:

The air quality in Chiang Mai is horrible right now.  You can see the smoke hanging in the air.  It's a combination of the seasonal "burn everything" tradition, the pollution of vehicles, the cooler than usual temperatures, and the lack of wind clearing the valley basin.

Reading and thinking about Ash Wednesday and Lent (here and here) today, I realized that the feeling of an impending apocalypse is the perfect way to start this season of focus.  Ash is hovering in the air around us--we're even breathing it in--and the mood is set.

When the world feels like it's going to end, you have the perfect setting to reexamine your life up to this point.  I'm going to use this time to explore the ways I've been selfish for so long, the ways I haven't been the man I want to be, and the ways I can achieve significant growth in Christlikeness this season.

I pray you are able to do the same.