Strong Enough

I'm not a big fan of Christian Contemporary Music, but you can't argue when somebody nails the lyrics so well.  Take a listen, or put it on mute and just read the lyrics. 

Continue to reach toward God this Lenten season.  We're not as strong as we pretend to be.

Matthew West's "Strong Enough":

We don't know how to confess anymore

As I continue to realign myself with God during Lent, I continue to recognize how broken and misled I am.  I have created an image of a man who seeks God, but in fact have become a man who seeks this image rather than seeking God.  In other words, I have a heart that would make me God rather than seeking the true God.

I've been reading Dallas Willard's Renovation of the Heart (or here).  It has been speaking powerfully to me about who I am.  As I continue to share and confess to others, I desire to do it right.  Here is an excerpt (pp. 59-60):

The Necessity of Remorse

To prosecutors and judges in our court system, as well as to people in ordinary situations of life, it still matters greatly whether wrongdoers show signs of remorse or seem to be truly sorry for what they have done.  Why is that?  It is because Genuine remorse tells us something very deep about the individual.  The person who can harm others and feel no remorse is, indeed, a different kind of person from the one who is sorry.  There is little hope for genuine change in one who is without remorse, without the anguish of regret.

Much of what is called Christian profession today involves no remorse or sorrow at all over who one is or even for what one has done.  There is little awareness of being lost or of a radical evil in our hearts, bodies, and souls -- which we must get away from and from which only God can deliever us.  To manifest such awareness today would be regarded -- and certainly by most Christians as well -- as psychologically sick.  It is common today to hear Christians talk of there "brokenness."  But when you listen closely, you may discover that they are talking about their wounds, the things they have suffered, not about the evil that is in them.

Few today have discovered that they have been disastrously wrong and that they cannot change or escape the consequences of it on their own.  There is little sense of "Woe is me! for I am undone; because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts" (Isaiah 6:5, KJV).

Yet, without this realization of our utter ruin and without the genuine revisioning and redirecting of our lives, which that bitter realization naturally gives rise to, no clear path to inner transformation can be found.  It is psychologically and spiritually impossible.  We will steadfastly remain on the throne of our universe, so far as we are concerned, perhaps trying to "use a little God" here and there . . . .

As my confession grows, I expect ruin.  It is only by the grace of God that I am saved.  Not by my hand, nor by any others.  It may cost me my life, but I am guilty and should expect no less.

My journey through the wilderness continues.

A prayer to God from a non-god

My prayer today as I navigate the wilderness of Lent.

Lord,

You are my Lord.  You are God.  I am not God. 

I have tried to be God in my life for a long time.  But I am not.

I'm human -- a pretty undisciplined one at that.

I am not in control.  I cannot stop depending on you for every breath.

Please, please, please do not allow me to forget:

You are God.  I am not.

Amen.

We Are All Addicts

As a man who struggles with sexual sins and addiction and has battled for many years, I have grown to see that, in one way or another, we are all addicts.  My Lenten thoughts today are about this.

The world teaches us to place ourselves above others--above God.  We're taught that beauty and sex are basically the same thing, and if you don't have them, you need to hurry up and get some.  Alcohol and drugs destroy countless lives, yet we're quick to deny their effects on us as individuals.

Even shopping and consumerism are addictions for many people.  We have become addicted to buying and then buying again as soon as the new [insert device or product] is released.  Some of us even wait in line for hours.

As good as we are at having addictions, we are horrible at fighting them.

That's why I love the approach of AA and Celebrate Recovery:  One day at a time.

Jesus was in the desert for forty days.  I have a feeling he wasn't marking the days like Robinson Crusoe.  He was fasting one day at a time.

I'm trying to do this for these next forty days:  One day at a time.

I've discovered a great series by Central Vineyard called "Taking Root."  I encourage you to check it out.

To close, I want to leave you with encouragement to seek help with your addiction--whatever it may be.  Celebrate Recovery is a fantastic 12-step program that will help point you toward God while helping you overcome.  A quick Google search will hopefully turn up one close to you.

Finally, I leave you with the powerful Serenity Prayer or Reinhold Neibuhr:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time; 

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and

supremely happy with Him Forever in the next.

Amen.

When you come out of the wilderness

Something my dad told me today:

No matter how long you're in the desert, as long as you come out closer to the Lord, then it's worth it.  If you're not closer to God, well, you know where that's going.

Basically, he was saying that if you better learn from your mistakes, and you better learn to lean on God.

Here is Psalm 51 to reflect upon:

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
   according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
   blot out my transgressions.
² Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.
 ³ For I know my transgressions,
   and my sin is always before me.
⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
   and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
   and justified when you judge.
⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
   sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
   you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
 ⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
   wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
   let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
⁹ Hide your face from my sins
   and blot out all my iniquity.
 ¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
   and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
   or take your Holy Spirit from me.
¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
 ¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
   so that sinners will turn back to you.
¹⁴ Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
   you who are God my Savior,
   and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
   and my mouth will declare your praise.
¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
   you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is^[b] a broken spirit;
   a broken and contrite heart
   you, God, will not despise.
 ¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
   to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
   in burnt offerings offered whole;
   then bulls will be offered on your altar.

He Was in the Wilderness

Angela and I read the beginning of Luke 4 when Jesus was in the Wilderness.  I don't know how many times I've read that and then dissected it. 

"What were the temptations he faced?"
"How did he fend off the devil?"
"The devil uses scripture; what should our response be?"
And more.

Very rarely do we stop to remember that Jesus was in the wilderness.

I feel like I've been in the wilderness for awhile.  I was trying to claw back to God as soon as possible, but I wasn't doing it in a way that was effective.  It was still about me.

It's so easy for us to give up something and make the struggle about us.  It's just another New Year's resolution.  I've been eating sweets like crazy lately, so I'm fasting from sweets for the next 40 days.  I didn't initially decide that because this is the problem that is getting between God and me.  I've stopped eating my wife's delicious brownies because I'm getting fat. 

But my inability to control eating sweets is symbolic of something greater:  my selfishness and lack of discipline in all areas of my life.

That is what has kept me in the wilderness for so long.  It's also much harder to fast from.  It's become who I am in so many ways.

So I'm going to try something in addition to giving up desserts while I'm in the desert.  I'm going to add things.  I want a Lent that explores my own selfishness and seeks to rid myself by serving others. 

It's hard to see others when you're too busy looking in the mirror.  It's even harder to love others.  But that's what I'm going to try to do.

I'm going to keep track of the selfish things I do.  This will be how I face temptation head on like Jesus did.  Instead of stopping there, I will give my list up to God each day.  In addition, I will seek opportunities to love others.

Jesus was in the wilderness, preparing and growing closer to God.  This is my time to be in the wilderness, too.

We'll see how this goes.  I wish you well in your wilderness these next 40 days.  Feel free to share what you've been thinking about as well.

Breathing in Ashes

I don't usually honor the Lenten fast.  I come from the Church of Christ tradition that says "every day is Easter."  But I'm trying to be more purposeful this year.  All I can truly say I know or have done in the past is give up something minor for the 40 days.  But that's only part of it.  So I'm trying to be more purposeful beginning yesterday (Ash Wednesday for me) and today, I'm getting out of my selfishness and it God's selflessness.

Here are some quick thoughts:

The air quality in Chiang Mai is horrible right now.  You can see the smoke hanging in the air.  It's a combination of the seasonal "burn everything" tradition, the pollution of vehicles, the cooler than usual temperatures, and the lack of wind clearing the valley basin.

Reading and thinking about Ash Wednesday and Lent (here and here) today, I realized that the feeling of an impending apocalypse is the perfect way to start this season of focus.  Ash is hovering in the air around us--we're even breathing it in--and the mood is set.

When the world feels like it's going to end, you have the perfect setting to reexamine your life up to this point.  I'm going to use this time to explore the ways I've been selfish for so long, the ways I haven't been the man I want to be, and the ways I can achieve significant growth in Christlikeness this season.

I pray you are able to do the same.